customers Dear Customers at My Coffee Shop,
I wanted to express my pleasure and happiness with our relationship. You generally tip well, and occasionally make wonderfully flaccid attempts at banter. I even sympathize with your bleary-eyed disorientation-which is, no doubt, due to having been cooped up in an office or (horrors!) a cubicle.
Maleureusment, there is a sour note in our happy tune- it plays out on your portable communications device. When you step up to my register and fail to so much as hold the phone from your ear while barking parched demands in my general direction, it must give us pause. A pause for me to smack your phone from your hands to allow my swift dismemberment of your arms, allowing ideal access for boiling coffee to be thrown into the raw, gaping sockets which once held your humerous bone (that's the upper arm bone, in case your were absent that day).
All in all, our dynamic is most generally a cheery one, and I enjoy the time we spend together. Lets do try to shake that one burr from the sheets, and put away our portable communication devices during our interactions. I so look forward to our relationship continuing down our merry path of pleasant interaction.
With the most affectionate regard,